Trixie's Guide To Being a Polite Airline Passenger
DO NOT change your child's diaper IN THE SEAT between other passengers. What kind of person does this? CRAP belongs in the bathroom.
DO keep the volume down on your ipod. There's a reason they come with headphones...so other people don't have to hear your shitty choice in music.
DO NOT use your tray table, or the seat in front of you as a drum set.
DO tell your children to stop kicking the seat in front of them. Tie their ankles together if you have to.
DO NOT continuously crack your knuckles, or your gum, or you'll get my hand cracked over your head.
DO bathe and apply deodorant before your flight.
DO NOT bathe in your perfume or cologne before your flight.
DO brush your teeth before your flight. NOTHING is worse than sitting next to someone with halitosis for three hours.
DO NOT talk loudly on your cell phone before takeoff and after landing. The whole cabin does not want to hear how you fucked some guy from Jersey this weekend.
DO turn your electronics off when they ask you to. They won't take off until you do, you jerkoff.
DON'T knowingly try to carry on a bag that's too overstuffed to fit in the overhead compartment. Check that shit. I don't want to wait while they gate-check your bag.
DO observe the personal space of the people sitting next to you. I don't want your fucking thigh on me for the duration of a four hour flight.
DO NOT behave in a way that would require anyone on the plane to use the word "asshole" in reference to you.
DO sit down, shut up and let the rest of us travel in peace.
I think that's all I've got for now. Anyone care to add something else?